It’s true – it has been a year already. A year since mariadius.com exists as a living blog. I got to sit outside my mind and take a look at my life as if I were a stranger – all these just to figure out why I started, who I am and what I’m doing. Am I really truly happy with who I am and what I do? I think that “truly” and “happy” don’t collocate together. But yes, I am happy.
I always wanted to make something different and I’m still struggling to. Our world shudders of “something different” and all these different “something”s seem all the same, including my “something”. I always wanted a different “different something”, something that would definitely make you wanna follow me because you find my “different”.
After my first year of actual blogging I already got an idea about what I want out of my “something”, my style of writing, the aesthetics under my lashes and the colour palette beyond the screen… Yet I still feel like something is missing, “something” old and almost ancient, that got lost in the moment I opened this blog. I miss that lyrical Maria Dius, that Maria Dius who couldn’t speak her mind without poetry, who was breathing and living in poetry. I am walking in a slippery labyrinth for more than one year and I try, desperately, to find it. All my poems lay mummified on the walls, I read them with a foreign and admiring voice. It’s like a thunder that unfolds inside of me. Where’s that exaltation, that thrill that I used to feel in my fingers when I wrote? Where’s that me that didn’t consider herself passionate about art, but simply art herself? Where’s that skin of mine that I got rid of as if it were an ordinary puberty? Where, where, where?
Maybe to you this doesn’t seem to be an article worth of being posted on the blog, but I start feeling suffocated of this more or less frivolous world of Fashion & Beauty Blogging, I want to feel and exhale art, overall, that’s why I started in the first place!
This post, my dear roses, take it as a vow that I make to myself and to you, that I won’t ever let myself captive in this superficiality of beauty, and that I’ll always see the deepness of this universe, which I truly am capable of.
Thank you for standing by me and for seeing a source of inspiration in me, that’s my highest purpose – to make art through people, that meaning to inspire!
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