#MEDITATION: 1 year of Blogging?

It’s true – it has been a year already. A year since mariadius.com exists as a living blog. I got to sit outside my mind and take a look at my life as if I were a stranger – all these just to figure out why I started, who I am and what I’m doing. Am I really truly happy with who I am and what I do? I think that “truly” and “happy” don’t collocate together. But yes, I am happy.

I always wanted to make something different and I’m still struggling to. Our world shudders of “something different” and all these different “something”s seem all the same, including my “something”. I always wanted a different “different something”, something that would definitely make you wanna follow me because you find my “different”.

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After my first year of actual blogging I already got an idea about what I want out of my “something”, my style of writing, the aesthetics under my lashes and the colour palette beyond the screen… Yet I still feel like something is missing, “something” old and almost ancient, that got lost in the moment I opened this blog. I miss that lyrical Maria Dius, that Maria Dius who couldn’t speak her mind without poetry, who was breathing and living in poetry. I am walking in a slippery labyrinth for more than one year and I try, desperately, to find it. All my poems lay mummified on the walls, I read them with a foreign and admiring voice. It’s like a thunder that unfolds inside of me. Where’s that exaltation, that thrill that I used to feel in my fingers when I wrote? Where’s that me that didn’t consider herself passionate about art, but simply art herself? Where’s that skin of mine that I got rid of as if it were an ordinary puberty? Where, where, where?

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Maybe to you this doesn’t seem to be an article worth of being posted on the blog, but I start feeling suffocated of this more or less frivolous world of Fashion & Beauty Blogging, I want to feel and exhale art, overall, that’s why I started in the first place!

This post, my dear roses, take it as a vow that I make to myself and to you, that I won’t ever let myself captive in this superficiality of beauty, and that I’ll always see the deepness of this universe, which I truly am capable of.

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Thank you for standing by me and for seeing a source of inspiration in me, that’s my highest purpose – to make art through people, that meaning to inspire!

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